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Jim McCreadie
Heid Poster
Heid Poster
Posts: 897
Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2005 11:01 am
Location: Fremantle, WA


Post by Jim McCreadie » Sat Dec 26, 2020 1:03 am

An oldie but a Goodie.
To all those thinking of relocating to Australia ... read carefully and for those of us that live here ... have a bloody good laugh! You will probably have heard that many people emigrate to Australia. This is a diary extract of one such adventurous soul!
August 31st 
Work transferred me to Australia and we moved into our new home in Perth, Western Australia! This place knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched a beautiful sunset from a deck chair on the verandah. Finally, I’ve found my forever home. I love it here.
September 13th:
Really hotting up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. We live in an air-conditioned home and I drive an air-conditioned vehicle. What a pleasure it is to see the sun everyday. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it’s windy, but getting used to the heat is taking longer that I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the swimming pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a stupid thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I didn't see Kitty our cat sneak into the car before I left home this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at lunchtime, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank out $3,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Whiskas and cat shit. Lesson learned though; no more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind gives me the shits. It feels like a giant bloody blow dryer and it's as hot as hell. The air conditioner is on the blink and the repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the swimming pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $450,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 35 degrees. Finally got the air-con fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but inside the house feels like it's about 35. Stupid repairman. I hate this bloody place.
November 8th:
If one more smart-arse says "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to throttle him. Bloody heat. By the time I get to work the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!
November 9th :
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the car. I thought my arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a bloody recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms will dry up and blow into the bloody swimming pool. Even the palms can't live in this heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 40 degrees today. Now the air-con in my car has gone. The mobile mechanic came to fix it and said "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 house payment to bail my arse out of jail for assaulting the repairman. Bloody Australia! What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?
December 1st:
WHAT? This is the FIRST day of SUMMER? You are @#?*@! kidding!
32.04'.04"S 115.48'30"E

"What language are you talking in now? It appears to be Bo**ocks."

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